The 18th Day Of January Resolution January 18, 2018 – Posted in: Everyday Living
“Just because the dates change, does not mean you have to change. The continuous path towards self-improvement is a timeless process.” – Brittany Burgunder
So it’s the middle of the ‘resolution’ month and I wanted to check in to see how everyone was coming along with doing the things they promised they would do differently and steadfastly in 2018 . If you are still on track, well done! If you haven’t been able to start at all, don’t be too hard on yourself – find gentler ways to start! If you started and you find that you’ve somehow fallen off track, that’s ok; sit back and plan a more sustainable method that will work for you.
Personally, I stopped making New Year Resolutions a few years ago. I found it overwhelming to have a set list of things I needed to do to improve myself, because the inevitable come down of not achieving those goals in the exact ways I’d mapped them out left me feeling worse off. So, I learnt to create a set vision, a mission to get me there and to take baby steps one day at a time. My steps aren’t always levelled. On average, I try to walk steadily, one step in front of the other; some days, I wake up with enough strength to take a lion’s leap and on others, I don’t even move at all. I’m learning now, that both are perfectly fine.
Resolution(n) Definition – A firm decision to do or not to do something
One way or another, you make resolutions more often than you think that you do. That firm decision to not smoke that next cigarette, to not go back to that abusive ex when the phone rings, to eat healthier, to get to work before 9am. Everyday, we make resolutions that can go one way or another, but the difference between these tiny daily changes and New Year’s Resolutions is how much pressure we tend to place on ourselves during the latter, to create a list of things we need to change all at once. In the midst of all the noise that builds around us, it is easy to forget that a resolution is not a law and it is not illegal to fall off a list.
How many things in life have you firmly resolved never to do again, only to find yourself back at? (Exactly.) That is how the process of resolutions go. You try, you fail and you keep trying until it sticks. Today, I’m writing to say, don’t beat yourself up about ‘resolutions’ that are not going smoothly. You’re human. You’ll fall off. It’s okay to take imperfect steps.
If resolutions are your thing, here are five ways to make them go more effectively:
- Make your resolution personally tailored to your current vs desired situation – Understand deeply why you actually want to make this particular resolution. It’s easy to just choose what I’d like to call ‘FAR’ ( Frequently Asked Resolutions) because that’s what everyone else is doing e.g., going to the gym, cutting out carbs, ‘doing more’, traveling more etc. but what parts of your life feel so unhealthy that you truly want to change in order to become a better version of yourself?
I’ll give a personal example: I barely spent last year alone, I was surrounded by people ALL the time and it wasn’t always people that were ‘good’ for me. Along the way, I forgot what it felt like to be alone and this started to deeply affect my work. I had no time to think, write or even ‘be.’ As a result of this, I’ve firmly made 2 decisions. Firstly, I decided to spend more time by myself and get more in touch with my voice this year, because nothing is actually worth taking my work away. I also decided that if I was going to share my time, it had to be with people that ‘see’ me, people who are gentle, add value to my life and make me better off than who I was when they met me.
- Have an actual plan – If I asked anyone to list 5 things they wanted to change, it would be easy to but the hard part is in asking the HOW? I know you want to be on Forbes 30 before 30, but how do you intend to do that? It’s perfectly ok to aim high and have dreams but have a plan that is just as clear as your dream. No one coasts their way into their dream life. When you make resolutions, remember to have an action plan that explains what you have to do to get from point A to B and all the way to Z.
- Be Steadfast and Resilient – Aaliyah said it best ‘If at first you don’t succeed, dust yourself off and try again’. The odds of trying something once and never failing at it are very slim to none. Understand that resolutions are a process and that a single goal can sometimes take up to a year to accomplish. Keep showing up and doing your part.
- Do it for YOU: Not for your lover or your mother, not to stunt on them Instagram honeys or because it’s cool on Twitter. Do it because it’s what you need to do in order to change for the better or to grow. When you do it for you, you have the power. No one else can dictate how you do what you’re doing or when you should stop. No one else has the power to make you feel bad for falling off along the way, because their thoughts have no bearing on your journey
- Be Gentle with Self : Understand that the person you are now and the person you’re aspiring to be are the same essence. You are on the same side. Don’t get mad at yourself for not doing things exactly how you planned that you will. That’s ok. Be gentle with yourself. Self hate will never get you far. Learn from your mistakes and grow from them.
My hope for you today is that you’re strong enough to put in the work required to become who you want to be. I believe in you and in your ability to do so. Happy Building.
Love x Light,