Sometimes Quitting Is The Best Choice (and that’s ok) January 27, 2018 – Posted in: Everyday Living
“Not getting my desired outcome is not a failure but a sign that more learning and practice are required here, and an opportunity to acknowledge myself that I tried.” Yael Philosof
I’ve always been a believer in persevering through situations in life. When I’ve had dreams or strong interests, I’ve moved mountains in attempt to build up them bit by bit from fantasy to reality because I strongly believed that I had to play my part to succeed and to me, that looked like showing up and being relentless in the pursuit of said dream. This relentless pursuit has led me through several phases over the years and it’s manifested in isolation, completely abandoning my comfort zone and moving cross countries, breaking, healing, losing myself only to re-find myself in different light and new appreciation.
I believe that people should put 110% into the pursuit of the things that set their heart on fire or gives them fulfillment; I also know that putting 110% into anything is not a guarantee at all that the said thing will succeed and that’s just life. As human beings with feelings and intuition, we tend to know when a situation becomes toxic for us, when we start to lose our identity and our pursuit becomes more harmful than beneficial. This is the point we should begin to let go. This applies to various parts of our lives like career paths, commitments we make, relationships with friends, lovers and sometimes even family.
Why Are People So Afraid To Quit
We’ve been told that quitters never win and winners never quit so quitting has somehow become synonymous with failure so we persevere through broken dreams and bruised hearts because that’s what ‘winners’ should do. Stand still, persevere, fight, break, rinse, repeat. We hear the voices of society telling us that strong people do not quit but we often forget that there is no beauty in suffering neither is there any reward for being broken so we stay.
Most people also find it hard to quit because of what economists refer to as sunk cost which is the cost that has already been incurred and can never be recovered. It’s easy to dwell on the time, effort and resources that have been put into chasing a dream that you can never get back; it can often feel like a combination of blood, sweat and tears so most people find it easier to just keep moving forward despite the shattering pieces because it’s easier to imagine that what you’ve been chasing is just round the corner than to consider the possibility that you’re on the wrong path because that would then force you to act. I imagine that for other people, the fear of the unknown is what keeps them rooted in a toxic situation because uncertainty is just as paralyzing as moving forward to nowhere.
You Know It’s Time To Quit When….
Change can be frightening and one of the hardest things to do in life is not only to reach the decision to quit something because it no longer serves you in the ways that it should but to then go ahead and quit after all the sacrifices it took you to get there but at some point we have to stop to weigh the consequences of our possible choices and see what serves us better. Below are so clear signs that it’s time to quit:
- Life has become stagnant – The literal definition of stagnant is – ‘showing no activity – dull and sluggish’. When you’ve put your all and absolute best into an endeavor and this stays in a state of ‘stagnant’ for more than a significant period of time without progression that’s never a good sign. If continued time and effort leads you back to the same spot of no growth`, that is a sure sign to let go. There’s so much beauty and strength in accepting that you made a wrong call, going back to the drawing board and re-strategizing in order to build better.
- You’re staying for the wrong reasons – ‘What will people say’, ‘How will it look if I pack up and go back home for help’, ‘Quitting will make me look weak’, ‘After all the years i’ve put in, I might as well stay’,’People will think I’m a failure’ etc. Realize that most of these reasons are external and as such are mostly about perception and opinion but never about state of mind and well being. Never make your life decisions based on what people expect or think you should be doing. The only question you should ask yourself is ‘What is the best thing for me to do for ‘myself’?
- Life has become toxic – If your experience has become overwhelmingly negative and has caused the other areas of your life to suffer for it then it’s time to walk away. Nothing is ever worth losing yourself over. It is important to learn to remove yourself from toxic situations by any means necessary no matter what shape it takes
- You’ve changed – At some stages in our lives, we start things because at that point it’s all you can think about and it’s what fills you. Through years and experiences it’s perfectly normal for tastes and interests to change. It is important to let go of things that you considered very vital and important in your past but you no longer do. Life is too short to stay with something or someone you’re no longer interested in because at some point in your past life it excited you.
- When it’s not viable – Unless you’re Oprah or Ellen Degeneres, you have to count your pounds and pennies while planning your finances. Stop throwing money and passing years on something that’s not viable and is leading you nowhere. You’re much better off taking a break, figuring out what next and then trying that out than staying on with a sure failure for whatever reason.
While reading the above, if anything crept into the back of your mind resonating with any of the points then I think that you should give more energy to those thoughts.
Before Quitting, It Is Important To…..
The most successful people in life persevere. They stick through situations come what may, even when it makes no logical sense to until it’s certain that said situation is not viable, then they move on to the next venture. I believe that you should try all that you possibly can to achieve the things you want to, I also think that you should be able to decide when the right time comes to let go and move on. If that time ever comes, I hope you have all the strength to walk away and hopefully walk into something that stays
This is not to advice you to quit at the first sign of difficulty, sometimes all you have to do is take a breather and re-strategize; there are often many different ways to do one thing and I would always advice you to seek these ways out until the options have been exhausted.
There comes a time when you’re losing a fight that it just doesn’t make sense to keep on fighting. It’s not that you’re being a quitter, it’s just that you’ve got the sense to know when enough is enough. – Christopher Paul Curtis
When one lets go of toxic situations, you make room for healthy ones. It’s impossible to grow out of negative situations when we’ve firmly planted and deeply rooted ourselves in spaces that are no good.
In summary, quitting is often a very hard decision to make but sometimes a necessary one. When we summon up the courage and strength to leave toxic situations, we make room for better and we allow the possibility of healthier options. Sometimes you find yourself when you quit something that’s not right for you. I definitely know that this is in no way as easy as it sounds and i do hope that you find the energy to let go of what no longer serves you no matter how hard it is to do so.
Do you think that you could envision a better life for yourself if you quit something you’re clinging on to? Please bear in mind that there are no ‘impossible’ quits; hard quits; yes, but never impossible. I believe in you.
Love x Light,